


The Yiddish Policeman's Chapbook

by Keenir



Category: The Yiddish Policeman's Union
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 18:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/pseuds/Keenir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection from their scrapbook, you might say, of some candle-worthy cases.</p><p>The request was for some cases that Berko and Landsman worked on, before the events of the book.</p><p>All canon characters are property of Mr. Michael Chabon.  All locations are property of the State of Alaska.  All original characters are my own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Yiddish Policeman's Chapbook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Satchelfoot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satchelfoot/gifts).



**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 “He tricked me,” Rina Hersh sobbed.  “Conned me into giving him all the money I had, I signed away my house to him,” and she looked _up_ at Berko’s snowcap-high face.  “What was I supposed to do?” punctuating it with a sniffle.

“Tell me,” he told her.

For over a decade, since way back when she and Berko had been classmates, Rina had been obsessed with finding Steller’s Sea Ape, that Aleutian beastie that’d swam with the leviathan Sea Cow until, as Rina claimed, the Sea Apes had fled eastwards to the Sitka region like Jews fleeing pogroms.

“I should have,” she nodded.

As he led her from her home to the car – and from there to the station – Berko cheered her up a little by quietly saying the _Shema_ to her before reading her her rights, knowing as he did how it always used to relax her.  He had always had something of a hunch that, where other Jews solemnly intoned ‘Next year in Jerusalem,’ Rina Hersh prayed ‘Next year I’ll find one’ until this year.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 “We should trade with Boybricker,” Landsman said, looking through his windshield at the mountain of a University, a behemoth made by polar bears and left for foxes.

Albert Einstein had once remarked that, if the Jews landed a homeland, they should stick with their intellectual gifts, rather than become a nation of farmers.  Yet despite such a heady backing, all Departments within Einstein University save for Agriculture had withered within the University as the promise of Sitka had blossomed with the World Fair, and promptly went to seed.  Typical luck.

“Bina attended here,” Berko agreed.  “But we landed this case.”  And like yids throughout history, they would live through what the world handed them.

“You wouldn’t be saying that because Bina and Boybricker are dealing with that murdered Tlingit University professor?”

“Nu, we should go in?” ****

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 “Thank you, thank you both,” the young widow Fatima Rosencrantz said to Meyer and Berko who had found her husband’s killer.

“We did what we’re supposed to,” Landsman said._  Found the yid responsible._

“I know,” Fatima said, pacing the room like she’d done every other time they or other officers had been there.  “Such a waste,” she said mostly to herself.  The murderer had cited her work as his reason – wanted to stop me from writing any more.  “What I have here, this would have been the last book in the series anyway.”

Her books centered around the premise that, instead of America offering up Sitka, it was Vietnam offering a home to the Diaspora.

“All this,” Fatima said, waving a delicate hand at her tables of maps, historical minutia and plot ideas.  “All wasted.  All the time I worked on these books  - this piece of treyf!”  _I could’ve been with my Josef._

Berko stopped her from lobbing  the final draft of the final book into the fireplace, grabbing the book she still had in hand.  “Pig can look kosher, and a book might appear treyf.”

She looked in his eyes and relented, whether because she hated waste, because Det. Shemets hated waste, because the yid was right, or because Fatima was too tired to fight or argue.  “Nu you’re right,” and took the book to the cleanest desk she had, and wrote a dedication:

To Josef,

Light of the world,

Love of my life.****

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The door opened, “Not one word further,” the accused was advised by the newly-arrived man in full suit.  “Detectives,” he said to Shemets and Landsman.

“And you are?”

“David Tamaree,” his accent marking him as Alaskan proper, rather than from Sitka.  “I’m here to represent my client, the man you’ve accused here.  I’ll ask that all questions you have for him, pass through me.”

“Who sent you?” Landsman asked.

“I’m here on behalf of the Alaskan Native Brotherhood.”

“They let you join?” Berko asked, hearing the proper weight pressed on the Yiddish in Tamaree’s speech.

“I’m told they offered you membership,” was Tamaree’s reply.  Taking a seat beside the accused, the ANB man said, “I’ve been apprised of the situation.  My client was defending not only the honor of the Right Honorable Ernest Gruening, but also saving the lives of his mother and aunt.”

_Our witness – who said he gained his maiming because he wasn’t fully killed, unlike the victim his brother – neglected to mention honor or any attacks on others,_ Berko thought to himself.****

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 “Well, Detectives, you’re more than welcome to look around,” Jane Pollux said, welcoming them to the filming set out on the furthest south you could go in the District without entering Alaska or Canada.

“’More than welcome’ is what, Landsman?” Berko asked.  “Circle about back to unwelcome?”

“We’re yids and police,” Meyer agreed; “doubly unwelcome.”

Biting her tongue at what she could say to that, Jane said, “Though I’m not sure what you expect to find  -  it was a heart attack, wasn’t it?”

“This is Sitka; it’s to be determined,” Landsman said in American.

Jane blew some air from between pursed lips.  “Can we at least continue filming while you’re investigating?”

“Your movie license about to expire?”

“No, but my actors want to be paid for every day we’re up here, so a wait would be expensive.”

“Next year,” Berko quipped, and it was a shame she didn’t see the humor there.  “Nu unsurprisingly, the Black Hats’ shoes’ll be in the mud,” Berko said  -  _They’ll dig in and do what they can to keep the film from being popular, but more likely for naught maybe._

“I don’t see why,” said Jane, director, producer, and before all that, American.  “There’s several heroic religious characters already cast.”

“Your star plays with sheddim,” Landsman explained slowly.

“Well yes  -  hard to have an adaptation of ‘Hargrove Stone: the Boy among Demons’ without them.  Anyway, didn’t your Solomon lord over a bunch of demons?”

Berko knew she wasn’t being clever  - he’d only looked at the script five minutes &amp;’d already found that statement on Page Ten.  “Hargrove Stone is God’s man?”  _God help you._

“What?” Jane asked, puzzled – no, confused.  “Look, can you just find out who killed our cameraman?”

“Oh certainly,” Landsman said to the guilty woman.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Author's Note:**

> Historical Note: The Alaskan Native Brotherhood was formed in 1912, and thus would still exist, at least in the State of Alaska.
> 
> Historical Note: Governor Ernest Gruening was a Jew from New York, and also one of the best allies the Native Alaskans had in the 1930s and '40s. (reference: 'For the Rights of All: Ending Jim Crow in Alaska')
> 
> Historical Note: The existence of the Steller's Sea Ape was witnessed and recorded by the same Captain who in the same account wrote of the Steller's Sea Cows, sea lions, and seabirds – which were all very real. (reference: 'Aquagenesis' by Richard Ellis)
> 
> Historical Note: Einstein really did say that. (reference: How Einstein Divided America's Jews by Walter Isaacson; 'The Atlantic' magazine, December 2009)
> 
> Note: I couldn't find a better source for Vietnam as another desination - wikipedia mentioned Vietnam, Uganda, North Australia, and several other localities as suggested possibilities.


End file.
